Tuesday, October 19, 2010

African turtles are carnivores. Fear the turtle.

So folks, as promised, I am posting your submissions.  This one is from Sarah Perrich.  She is rather funny.  You should check out her blogs: How (not) to write a book and Was Constaninople 

Sarah's story begins on the light rail to BWI from Baltimore.  Sarah, an avid reader, always seems to pick the wrong people to sit near, loud talkers. It is Saturday, the Baltimore Marathon is happening back in the city.  The train goes over a bridge over some water. 

Woman: Oh! Oh! See, sometimes, sometimes on some of those logs down there? Like see, like them logs down there sticking out of the water. Like see that log sticking out of the water? That one right there. See sometimes there'll be a snapping turtle on it.  
Man: No shit! How big? 
W: Oh, like this big. He'll just be sittin on the log, like that log out there. But he isn't there today. But they're snapping turtles. They're the kind that, like, snap. And bite.  
M: So, a turtle has, like, what? Webbed feet?  
W: Lord, I dunno. I never get close enough to see. I wouldn't go out in that water if you paid me. It's like when we go down Ocean City, I don't get in that water either. Cause you know, you just know there's sharks out there, just a little bit further. There's all kinds of sharks just waiting. I'm always like, why would I get into water with sharks and jellyfish? 
M: I know that's right.  
M: I still can't believe Africans always win that marathon race.

I am certain, it is at this point Sarah closed her book, sighed in Charlie Brown fashion, and moved to a new seat on the opposite side of the train car.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Playa's go to Amsterdam.

As a single woman, I have heard my fair share of advice about relationships.  Friends, family, even strangers in the hair salon take it upon themselves to share little nuggets of wisdom to help me, y’know, find that right mate.

Some of this advice is welcome, much of it not.  Yet for some reason, these random tidbits of information stay with me. 

Like this one: You never know who you’re going to meet.  Keep yourself open to possibilities.

That seems pretty mundane advice, right?  Advice about relationships and love are akin to the answer to the question, “How long is a piece of string?” 

Now, I’m not going to go all “Carrie” on this post and create a single girl’s guide to all things in love and war.  But I will say that, every once in a while, I do let the sound of my mother’s voice repeating this advice – over and over and over again – get the best of me.

So, I put on my best I-only-look-like-I-put-this-together-casually outfit, check my hair and make-up (twice) in the mirror, and head out for an adventure – optimistic for whatever may happen.

And there I am, outside a concert at Pier 6, when I hear this from a group of guys sitting next to me:
Man: “I’m going to Amsterdam for the babes and the bud.  Either are better there than what I’m getting here.”
I guess he doesn’t speak to his mom much anymore.

Hey ya’ll – I’m opening up the gmail for your Bmore Overheard contributions.  Send me your best, worst, silly, or just plain ridiculous overheards and I will do my best to give it justice.  Email me at: ajinbmore@gmail.com.  Sa-weet!!